The beginning of this academic year was for me unsure, unstable. I was making works that seemed comfortable to me and I felt save with. They all were very much thought through – I felt like I really needed to have a strong concept as a starting point ( I feel like that was one of the things that I took with me from the first year).
In the beginning of the year, I was sketching and drawing a lot, as well as painting. But I feel like my turning point was in the middle of the semester when I started to play around, not clinging so much to 2D ( painting and drawing), letting my concepts develop on its own – not overthinking them and at the same time I think they are stronger and more honest. With my latest works – ‘take care’ house maquette, dream baby/room and dreams painting I feel the best with, I see the biggest progress in it and the concepts are naturally developing further from them towards other works I would like to make. I was able to make space for my inner world, my desires and fantasy in my art practice. And I think that step was very necessary for me to feel confident with what I do.
I feel like this freedom and playfulness are the biggest qualities I learnt this semester. Also, what was happening this year and what I learn is to reflect on my works or on the remarks I heard from teacher and classmates. To think about my qualities and why someone thinks those are my strong and weak points and how to learn to use that feedback in my future process. That helped me to see the quality in drawings and ways to transform that in to my other works. I feel like I was able to find that same kind of freedom in my latest works that I have in my drawings.
This semester was surprisingly a good one, I feel like I really did learn and found a lot of pleasure in what I did. My lower moments were mostly during the online week. I struggled with how should I proceed with that week – whether I should work on something new or develop already created concept or works I started working on week before. I had weeks that I really felt down – as the week when the NRC article came out or new Poland’s abortion law was introduced this fall. But it also gave me lots of things to think about and procced. I also had my usual doubts about the value of what I do or its sense, but looking back at it I really don’t feel like I had so much moments of doubt, especially when I compare it to the first year.
I discovered so many new ways of working. For me the most important was to liberate myself from the thought that I am in painting department so I need to paint. When I left that behind and tried out completely new way of creating, I felt super inspired and ready to work and continue on with concepts. It helped me to play with materials – with 3D, thinking about space - I have a new way of thinking about installations and I am really excited to continue with that next semester.
Next semester I would like to keep on going with experimenting with space and maybe instead of doing only small maquettes, using a room as my canvas, creating live size installation. I would also like to work more in workshops . At the end of this semester I went few times to wood and metal workshop and it gave me so much satisfaction - what I was able to make with my hands from materials that intimidate me. It also forces me to think different about work and execute it in a new way.
Even though small dimensions are very comfortable for me, I feel like I should go bigger, see how does that work for me. Last year advice to go smaller was so helpful, even though I wasn’t happy with it at first– but because of it I could put more focus on the actual works without being stressed about the dimensions. But now after I spent a lot of time paying attention to details, I think it would be good to snap out of it for a while and play around with different dimensions. Also, I feel like next semester would be a good time for me to try/ learn how to paint with oils. It really attracts me and I would like to see how it does influence my paintings.